Dating for fun
Once I figured out a few mindful (and self-compassionate) tricks along the way, though, dating actually became fun. And the more intentional I got about the process, the quality of dates rose almost as if by magic, until the wonderful man I’m in a fun and loving relationship with today sat down across from me over tapas on a blind date a few years ago. No more “The goal of this date is to find a husband/wife! If you’re not in the mood for online dating at the moment, don't put up with it.Find thousands of fun-loving and flirty singles to flirt with. Big” ex took me to a jewelry store in Manhattan he had closed down specifically to show me engagement rings. Right up until I tell you that he showed me LOTS of rings but issued zero marriage proposals.
Upon first getting together, it might seem acceptable to the other person to just "have fun." But attachments can happen over time. The person who was initially okay with a non-relationship dating arrangement might find him or herself wanting more.
So I went on a shopping venture across town that would rival that of a celebrity stylist in search of the perfect gown for a client for the Oscars. I wore myself out looking for the “perfect outfit” when my closet is full of them.
Through ALL of this, you would think I’d have developed a better sense of humor about dating over the years. A few months ago I had what I considered to be a “first date” – a lunch date with a cute guy who I had been eyeballing on Facebook for some time because he seemed like such a great catch. So excited, in fact, I decided that absolutely nothing in my closet would be right to wear on said date.
“I’ve found that when you’re wrapped up in the process of dating and want so badly to have something work out with someone -anyone- it’s easy to forget that your choices aren’t limited to one person or the other. Probably because somewhere inside my head, I was thinking: “This guy is a really great catch and really great catches don’t come along very often, so I need to not mess this up.” Though I was authentically myself on the date, I still look back at the experience and wish I hadn’t been so focused on looking like I just stepped out of a catalogue and instead just showed up wearing something from my closet.
There’s also the choice I always forget about: To not choose anyone in order to keep myself open to someone who IS right for me.” ~Rachel Machacek I’ve been talking with one of my girlfriends a lot lately about the craziness of dating. Ultimately the lunch went well (or so I thought) and we scheduled a second date…but he called and canceled the night before and I never heard from him again. I’m sure he’s a nice enough guy, but he had red flags that I overlooked because I wanted the excitement of liking someone again. Build someone up to be this perfect guy, or convince ourselves that because he looks “good on paper” he must be good for us?